Just a quick heads up--YOU ARE ALREADY OF VALUE. Full stop. End of sentence. No qualifiers.
You do not have to be more productive.
You do not have to earn more money.
You do not have to lose weight.
You do not have to be a better parent.
You do not have to write your book, organize your house or launch your business.
There is NOTHING you have to do right now in order to be a valuable, worthy human being. You do not have to earn your place in this world.
You may want to do one, or all, of those things. There's a good chance other people are telling you that you should, or even need to, do some of those things. We're certainly bombarded day and night with the message that we're not good enough until we look, feel, act, earn, live a certain way. And you may very well be happier if be-do-have things differently than you be-do-have right now.
BUT that still doesn't mean that right now you aren't 100% worthwhile. That you don't deserve to be treated with love and respect, not only by the people around you (and the people who may seem to have power over you, from bosses to politicians, from religious leaders to teachers and parents)--but also by YOURSELF.
What does that mean?
It means that I have seen so many people, particularly women, beating themselves up for not being productive enough. For not having accomplished enough. For falling short of the INSANE AND UNREALISTIC expectations they've had put upon them and that they've ingested as their own.
Or rather, "our own," because--HA--if you know me at all you know I've spent plenty of time feeling like I haven't done enough, furious that my to do list is still a mile long, ashamed that everyone else seemed to have uncovered the mysterious secret to massive success while creating home cooked meals and putting their docile children to bed without any arguing.
But I think I may finally have gotten fed up enough that I'm ready to say a big F*CK YOU to the whole thing and decide I don't need to do another damn thing to feel worthy of being alive.
Wanna join me?
Be Your Own Damn Wonder Woman
If so, I am thrilled to share my newest hack for routing out the deeply ingrained tendency to look at where you are, compare it to where you think you're supposed to be, and always come up short. Change the tape so you can own your life again.
STEP 1: Say, "I'm already wonderful."
STEP 2: Say, "And I know this is true because..."
STEP 3: Your brain will feel compelled to fill in the blank. Find something TRUE about yourself and complete the sentence.
Note: Do NOT fill in the blank with an affirmation, something you wish you could be or hope you someday might be ("I am wildly successful in everything I do," "I breathe grace and peace into every moment," "I have a bazillion dollars and live in a palace and ride my unicorn to work").
This is about giving yourself permission to honor the person you already are and to celebrate her. "I am a compassionate person a lot of the time." "I shared a creative idea with a friend who's all excited to try it out!" "I read to my kids tonight." "Today I decided to look at something from someone else's point of view instead of arguing for my own." "I find delight in the funniest places!"
It's essential that your statement be true, because you're no dummy and your brain will reject this whole exercise if you try to fool it. Whereas if you give your intelligent self some real evidence that you are, in fact, at least a little wonderful, you will start to believe it. The more evidence you gather, the sooner you will start to KNOW that you are wonderful, as is, no matter what. And so...
STEP 4: Repeat steps 1-3. Often.
Want to share your discoveries with the rest of us? That would be *AWESOME*!! The more you say it out loud, the more you know it in your bones. The more you allow your wonder to be witnessed, the more you will embrace it as your right. The more you show people what it's like to own your wonder, the more willing other people are to do it for themselves.
Post your "I'm already wonderful. And I know this is true because..." statements anywhere you can inspire others--on Facebook, on your fridge, on the inside of a bathroom stall. Use the hashtag #alreadywonderful to make it easy for people to find these declarations of wonder--and to make it easier for us to rise together.
And in case your ego mind is already arguing with me that people do all sorts of horrible things so how can I possibly say that everyone is already wonderful, "no matter what," please hear me: I'm not saying there's no room for growth, or change, or the achieving of visions--that's what my entire business is about! And I'm not saying that the horrible things people do are wonderful. But nice try, ego.
I'm simply saying that most of us have decades' worth of input telling us we need to earn approval, earn love, earn our place in this world--and I'm calling bullshit. You are a gift. Not everyone's going to appreciate you. They don't have to, they're not supposed to. But don't you think it's time you start appreciating the hell out of yourself? I do.
And trust me, even if you have to think hard and start tiny, there is definitely wonder in you. Just look. I promise, it's there.